


Cat Memes and WonderWall - A.K.A The Phone Mix-up

by randombitsofstars



Category: Inception (2010)
Genre: Complete, M/M, Short One Shot, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-22
Updated: 2016-01-22
Packaged: 2018-05-15 14:32:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5788960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/randombitsofstars/pseuds/randombitsofstars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eames: My mother wants to meet you, Darling.<br/>She keeps referring to you as, “That nice man who talked to me on your phone, dear.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cat Memes and WonderWall - A.K.A The Phone Mix-up

 

 

**2 January 2015**

 

E:  Shit.

     I have ur phone Darling. We must’ve picked up the wrong 1s after the job went sideways last nite.

 

A:  Please tell me you’re joking, Eames. I’m currently on a plane en route to Switzerland.  

     Also, I may or may not have a wicked hangover that has partly compromised my mental facilities atm.

 

E:  Look @ my contact name then, Darling.

A:  Shit. Fuck. How could this have happened? Wait - why do we have the same pass codes

     and lock screen?

E:  Imma forger, Darling. It’s what I do - copy. I knew I shouldn’t have gotten the same phone case as u. Ur too predictable, w/ur black leather 1

A:  When can u meet me?

 

E:  I can’t exactly go 2 Switzerland anytime soon, Darling. I’m doing that side project - trailing Nabokov rn, trynna to lay low

     until those Ruskies give up on finding us.

 

A:  I won’t be done here until February 1st, Eames.

 

E:  fantastic. Imma internationally wanted criminal, nd my new fake passport collection is  being deliverd in late Feb. meaning I can’t travel 2u

     We could make this an experiment.

 

A:  Are you drunk, Mr. Eames? What are you talking about?

 

E:  Tht’s my personal #. We work in the same business. I’ll direct ur calls to “Eames” and u send mine to “Arthur”.

     Darling. It will b fun.

 

A:  Stop calling me ‘Darling’. It’s insane how you can’t be bothered to type out “one” but your fingers can somehow manage seven other letters.

 

E:  u know u love it, Darling. Don’t lie to urself.

 

A: Stop changing the subject, Mr. Eames. This “experiment” idea is absurd. You’re insane. Who does that?

 

E: It’s only 4 1 month

 

A: I have to go. Someone just pulled out their Sig Sauer. If I was not occupied, I would be arguing more, Mr. Eames. I need that phone back.

 

E: Don’t get blood on ur suit. That 1 makes your ass look good

 

 

***

 

 

**7 January 2015**

 

E: Why do u have an app 4 playing the guitar?

 

A: It was imperative for an operation.

 

E: u have “Wonderwall” favorited.

 

A: ...

 

    I found your secret folder of pictures of kittens on here.

 

E: Touché, Darling. The guitar app will stay a secret close 2 my heart.

 

A: I highly doubt that, Mr. Eames.

 

E: <3

 

 

***

 

 

**9 January 2015**

      

E: Your inspirational quotes background is so stereo-typically white girl I am barfing

    I’m changing it Darling

 

 

***

 

 

**10 January 2015**

 

A: Your mother called. I told her you were in town.

    And free this weekend.

 

E: U talkd to my mum?! Nd told her I was free?!?!?! Why would u do that?!?!?!?

 

A:  She seems like a lovely lady. She said I sound “like a nice young man” and told me that you never introduce her to your friends.

 

E:  I am ur friend? ;)

 

A:  Her words, not mine, Mr. Eames.

 

E:  D: I can’t believe I have 2 go c her now. I h8 u

 

 

***

 

 

**17 January 2015**

 

A:  Why am I getting texts from middle aged women saying they would love to go out to dinner with me?

 

E:  I figured if u could set me up w/my mum, I could help u out w/some dates while ur abroad.

     It’s my #, in any case.

 

A:  …

 

 

***

 

 

**25 January 2015**

 

A: You have taken an absurd amount of selfies.

 

E:  U have 2 many apps. Who cares about the news in Romania?! Or the best truth or dare questions?

 

A:  I do.

 

E:  I pinned some, ah, interesting things 2 ur Pinterest board, btw. Suddenly u seem to like yodeling nd greek yogurt.

 

A:  What the hell, Mr. Eames.

 

E:  See, if u were normal, u would use “WTH” there. mayb u need an app 4 that Darling

 

 

***

 

 

**26 January 2015**

 

A:  Since you seem to like my apps so much, I got you some of your own.

     I figured you needed some motivation to work out, so I input my number in as many fitness apps I could find, Mr. Eames.

     Hopefully you enjoy the hourly motivational picture updates being sent to your (my) phone.

     I have been noticing that you are getting paunchy lately.

 

 

***

 

 

**28 January 2015**

 

E:  I actually am finding these pictures of oily half-naked men kind of inspirational after awhile.

     I am only letting u call me “paunchy” because u consider me ur friend

 

A:  Again, Mr. Eames, I was quoting your mother.

 

E:  I asked my mum bout that quote when we went on that lovely lunch date. She said _you_ referred to yourself as one of my friends.

     :D

 

A:  ...

 

E:  See you in London next Wednesday, _friend_

     ;)

 

 

***

 

 

**3 February 2015**

 

A:  My font seems so normal again after being subjected to that awful Comic Sans monstrosity that you inflict upon yourself.

 

E:  u should be thrown in jail for using that times new roman

     I miss that guitar app, though. I was actually learning some dumb techniques from it whilst riding the tube

 

A: Tell Sharon I said hi. I put her number in your contacts through that “60, Single, & Ready to Mingle” app.

     We had a pleasant conversation about her children, although she was disappointed to hear I’m about as old as them.

 

E: You actually talked to those women?

 

A: It seemed common courtesy after “I” signed up for that site.

 

E: Leave it to u, using a friend’s phone # 2 have conversations w/lonely old women

 

A: I never uninstalled the messenger from your phone. I assume you have quite a few messages waiting in your inbox.

 

E:  Fuck, Darling.

 

 

***

 

 

**9 February 2015**

 

E:  My mother wants to meet you, Darling.

     She keeps referring to you as, “That nice man who talked to me on your phone, dear.”

 

A:  Well, I do miss those motivational kitten pictures

      and you, maybe

 

E:  What was that, dear Arthur?

 

A:  it was nice having your phone

     it was like getting to know you without all the annoying talking

 

E:  see you in London on Monday then, Darling?

 

A:  I look forward to seeing your abs

     after being motivated by those fitness apps, u know

 

E:  Mmhmm. I see u are finally not txting in paragraphs, dear Arthur. Cu soon, Darling.

 

A:  See you soon, Mr. Eames.

 

E: <3

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! This was my first published work on this site, so any comments, criticisms or kudos are appreciated! Visit me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/randombitsofstars) if you want!
> 
> For people who got here from my other A/E fic, "I'd Rather Take a Bullet", welcome! If you haven't checked that out yet and enjoyed this story, it might be your thing - be warned though, it's a full story full of angst and maybe even more of Eames' mother :D (WIP)


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